A new power is rising! It's victory is at hand!

Hello folks!

I picked a random quote for the title of my first 2012 entry, guess who? :D

So here we are,2012. Well truthfully, I'm not quite there yet. I guess that's because I have a number of killer tests coming up this month and chances are that I'd transmogrify into a zombie by the time I reach the end of January. Sucks to have a birthday this month,right? Well,it's not like I'm looking forward to age a year older anyway. Rewind please! Being an adult is definitely not my forte. Too much taking-care-of-yourself going on when I only want to be taken care of (Okay,that made me sound a tad bratty). But I suppose the only way to have that privilege is to be ludicrously rich and have a thousand of servants who will do everything for you. Well,that or opt for marriage! Ah, the sweet bliss of marriage! Having the love of your life bending down

heeding to your needs is truly a form of paradise by itself! But alas, changing your social status to being married would only reinforce the feeling of loss of youth! 

What to do?

I'll have no choice but to suck it up and retain my inner child. I may be turning 21 soon, but you know what they say, age isn't a number. I'll always be 21 read backwards! (Number-wise)

New Year matters aside, I had an enjoyable holiday for my Christmas break. Highlights:

1. Wicked.We got front row tickets and I was able to watch Matt Willis from Busted perform as Fiyero! Well, actually I didn't know it was him until I saw the cast list in front of the theater after the show. Still,it made the experience worthwhile. The cast was amazing! I mean sure Elphaba and Fiyero spat a lot as they were acting (Front row seats meant that we saw through some of the technicalities, like the spitting), but on the whole the show was fantastic! At least one of my high school dreams came true.
2. FRIED CHICKEEEEEEEEEN!!
3. Besties and family. I'm sorry that I put fried chicken before you guys, but I'll never be able to Skype or Whatsapp Fried Chicken from Warsaw. Hehe. Thanks Bal, Aira and Zay for all the trouble I put you through during my stay. (Jumbah,I'm still so sorry for blowing up your plug and leaving a black stain on your wall! The guilt still haunts me!) Love you people to bits and pieces :)

This should be enough for today's entry. On to procrastination!

Jaa.

Soulless

Well, I guess this blog really is dying no matter how many times I've claimed to keep it running. 

There's too much to say, but of late I just keep things to myself and wander off in my own mind.. It's  pathetic really..to reach this age and not have the capability to acknowledge reality. It's unhealthy I admit, but I don't have a gigantic wall around me and I don't hide from people. I know that the people that I love will always be there for me, ready to catch my back no matter how awful things get. But, there's always a limit to what you can express to those closest to you right? Or at least, there will always be things that words cannot describe, leaving you to battle those thoughts on your own.

I've been wondering about enemies for awhile now. Who are your enemies and how do you define them?  I've never grown to hate anyone enough to declare them as an enemy. But I do know that the one person that I've had such a difficult time dealing with is, myself. I won't say that it's anything new, I've been struggling with myself for a long time. But coming here has made me realize how much it's actually eating me up inside. There's always this voice inside my head that tells me that I'm not good enough.

Why this inadequacy? I wish I have the answer to that,and God I wish I have the solution to that. 

I know that I have people who believe in me. One time in college when I attended my first (or second) Cambodia Project meeting and Pak Lan was speaking of how his main aim for the project was to develop his students' potentials. During that moment, his eyes were fixed on me and he pointed out, "Belle, I see potential in you that I know you can't see for yourself." . It meant the world to me when he told me that, but till this day, I have yet to understand what he meant. What potential? What was it that he saw in me and why can't I see this for myself? I probably won't beat myself up as much if only I knew. And I wish I have as much faith in myself as others do.

I'm sorry for the depressing post. I just have to let a part of this out somehow.

On a sidenote, I'm leaving for the UK in a week to visit my brother and my best friends. We'll be spending a night in London to catch Wicked on Broadway! At least one of my dreams is coming true, I've waited for this since my high school days. Now if only they'd somehow move the Harry Potter theme park from Florida to Europe, I can die in peace :)

Till then! 

Jaa. 

TTFN Malaysia

I'm only hours away from boarding a plane to my destination. I juts can't describe how I feel at the moment. But I do know most of you who have left/will be leaving soon are pretty much dealing with the same emotions right now. It's surreal I guess. I never thought I would get through with IB and I made it. I didn't think I'd pass the entrance exams for my university but I did it. After my IB exams my head was set on staying in Malaysia and studying here, I thought the exams were completely torturous and only a miracle would save me. Well, a miracle happened and I have no one to thank but God. If it weren't for Him I wouldn't be blessed with this opportunity that will get me started on a new life.

I've been so busy the past three weeks that the feeling of leaving hasn't properly sunk in yet. It probably will when I'm at the airport anyway. Gah, I'm going to miss everything here. Especially the food, the food and the food. No wait,scratch that. I'm going to have a hard time leaving my cat who's sick at the moment. I'm going to leave him with a really heavy heart :(

As for my family and friends, I'm going to miss them too. But I know they're always there for me. I have the most amazing friends and our friendship is something that I will never let go off no matter what.Here's to ten years (and more) of wonderful friendship! Brr,Aira,Hanis,Zayana,Sofia and Nadrah, I know no matter how old we get we'll still be that kid we used to be when we started being friends :) 

Rifdi and Dan,you guys may not have been friends with me for over a decade but I'm still just as blessed to have friends like you. Thank you for still being there even after I left for boarding school, and college and now that I'm leaving for university I want you to know that I cherish you both too :) 

Kamal,thank you so much for putting up with me, for being so kind and patient. I honestly don't think I deserve someone like you. But you're there for me, and I am ever so thankful. I love you, so lets keep it that way okay :) 

So, that's it. The next time I blog I'll be in a different country and will probably be speaking another language (hopefully,if i can master it). 

Jaa ne. 

Without fail

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DRACO MALFOY!

It's been a decade of love! Here's to always and forevaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Hehehehehe.

P/S: I chose this photo for old times' sake :D

Coming Soon

Update in progress. 

P/S: This still counts as a post right? 

It's ALIIIIIVE!

Hey there everyone.

Well, I'm surprised that my blog is still around. If this thing had an expiry date I'm sure it's already history. The reason why I haven't been updating for quite awhile is pretty simple: Malas. I guess I've mentioned this in my previous post. I had more ease blogging back in my high school days and it was easier to pour out whatever I felt back then (though most of my posts from back then were really childish and immature). Today there's this whole blog hype going around, it has turned into a trend and that has made me uncomfortable. I guess I'm not much of a trend follower. My blog and facebook accounts have been around ever since my early high school days, back when facebook still had SandBox and there were hardly many people on my friends list.

I don't even keep up with current music. Zaman dahulu kala, I only listened to Hitz or Fly Fm. But nowadays I detest current music. Okay maybe detest is such a strong word, I guess I'm just not too keen on the music they play on the radio nowadays. Forgive me for offending the modern music lovers, but I just think that music nowadays are crappy and most of the good ones only come from the country genre. There's not much quality in these things anymore. Well,I'm one to talk. I know nothing about the music industry. Haha, but gone were the days when Mariah Carey and Whitney Houston sung mind-blowing ballads and when bands like Oasis, or Guns & Roses took the stage. I also miss the days when boybands were in. I was a die hart fan of the Backstreet Boys and was crazy for other boyband tunes from Nsync,Westlife,O-town, 98 Degrees, etc. I'm not saying that we should bring all these people back in this modern age, it would be weird actually to hear bubble-gum pop tune on the radio in this era. What I'm trying to say is that music nowadays lack 'umphh' in them. They're hardly worth remembering for me.

Oh,sorry! I rambled too much!

So I hope I'll be blogging regularly again because I have to admit that I've kept a lot of things pent up inside. I miss the days when blogging was actually exhilarating for me.

Jaa ne.

P/S: Remember the unfortunate event in Cambodia that I had? Well, here's another detailed account of it from my beloved teacher's point of view. Thank you so much bapak, I really appreciate it. Click here!

Foe

"I must say one word about fear. It is life's only true opponent. Only fear can defeat life. It is a clever, treacherous adversary, how well I know. It has no decency, respects no low or convention, shows no mercy. It goes for your weakest spot, which it finds with unerring ease. It begins in your mind, always . One moment you are feeling calm, self-possessed, happy. Then fear, disguised in the garb of mild-mannered doubt, slips into your mind like a spy. Doubt meets disbelief and disbelief tries to push it out. But disbelief is a poorly armed foot soldier. Doubt goes away with it a little trouble. You become anxious. Reason comes to do battle for you. You are reassured. Reason is fully equipped with the latest weapons technology. But, to your amazement, despite superior tactics and a number of undeniable victories, reason is laid low. You feel yourself weakening, wavering. Your anxiety becomes dread.

Fear next turns fully to your body, which is already aware that something terribly wrong is going on. Already your lungs have flown away like a bird and your guts have slithered away like a snake. Now your tongue drops dead like an opossum, while your jaw begins to gallop on the spot. Your ears go deaf. Your muscles begin to shiver as if they had malaria and your knees to shake as though they were dancing. Your heart strains too hard, while your sphincter relaxes too much. And so with the rest of your body. Every part of you, in the manner most suited to it falls apart. Only your eyes work well. They always pay proper attention to fear.

Quickly you make rash decisions. you dismiss your last allies: hope and trust. There, you've defeated yourself. Fear, which is but an impression, has triumphed over you.

The matter is difficult to put into words. For fear, real fear, such as shakes you to your foundation, such as you feel when you are brought face to face with your mortal end, nestles in your memory like a gangrene: it seeks to rot everything, even the words with which to speak of it. So you must fight hard to express it. You must fight hard to shine the light of words upon it. Because if you don't, if your fear becomes a wordless darkness that you avoid, perhaps even manage to forget, you open yourself to further attacks of fear because you never truly fought the opponent who defeated you"


Well-said Mr.Martel.

Happy New Year,people.

Jaa.